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Well they can’t ALL be the Fabulous Mach 5, but Come Awwwn, people. Here’s a gallery of very, very boring cars. Sometimes they even just look boring. Sometimes the boring doesn’t show up till you’re driving them.
It doesn’t matter how much Blake Griffin stretches on a Kia Sedona. It’s just a Kia Sedona. We think it’ll make it… up this gentle, uphill grade…
VW Golf 5dr
Whoever named this car was a marketing genius, because when you step inside a Golf some little voice is saying ‘Why yes, this really IS a nice golf cart!’ But…it was supposed to be a CAR…
The Malibu always at least seems like it’s TRYING be a a grown-up muscle car. It’s just that…eh…
The Subaru Legacy’s unique feature is that it always vaguely reminds you of some other car that DOESN’T suck.
It just put-puts along. Here, we’ll leave the headlights on so it’ll look, idk, MAD.
What was the point of this car? What was it even trying to do? Versa what?
The Renault 6 didn’t look cool against the background of bombed-out postwar apocalypse Europe, and it certainly doesn’t look cool now. No matter how many colors it comes in, in its heart it’ll always be this sickly squash-like off-puke.
It’s that VW marketing genius again. This time after you find out how bad your car sucks, the little voice says, ‘Well, the Force must be weak in you.’
It starts off looking like a normal car, then Whoa! DAT ASS. It leaves you thinking, ‘…and this was the final design?’
You’ve heard of ‘kit cars,’ right? This is like a kit car. On the outside it looks like something that ought to be called a ‘Lexus.’ They’re ESpecially fun to laugh at as they’re being towed.
‘Are these the Chevettes that used to explode a lot?’ ‘No, not this model.’ ‘Aw, too bad.’
Once upon a time, in Don Draper’s America, when you wanted a word for ‘Car that sucks’ you said ‘Edsel.’ Today we say ‘Prius.’